What makes a sex toy minimalist? For me, minimalist sex toys are foundational sex toys: the ones that match any outfit or scene, the ones that you cleanse and keep between partners or relationships, the ones that feel almost serene to fuck with and to behold, and the ones you can come back to over and over. Recognizing that “minimalist” usually has more of an association with “extremely douchey” than with “queer and hot,” I considered toys that work for multiple holes or nerve endings, that are long-lasting, and that are easy to disinfect between partners and holes, along with aesthetic minimalism.
To take a minimalist approach to sex toys, I encourage you to start here and then do your research: find a sex toy reviewer who feels the same way about any of your existing toys that you do, and then read what they have to say about whatever new toy you’re considering. Think about not just what you want right now but what might have flexibility in the future by choosing vibrators that work on lots of body parts or dildos that fit multiple holes and are easy to clean — like these.
The Magic Wand Rechargeable
With not a lot of form but a whole lot of function, the Magic Wand Rechargeable is a beloved workhorse wand vibrator and one of Autostraddle’s 50 best queer sex toys (read the full review). It’s rumbly, it’s powerful, and it’s a reliable orgasm for a many, many people. This cordless version works on a battery or while plugged into the wall, so you never have to worry about it dying. It’s also not bad as a back massager.
We-Vibe Rave
The We-Vibe Rave is a purple vibrator with rumbly-as-fuck vibrations. Its soft curve makes it easy to hold and incredible to direct towards a g-spot, and it’s also great externally on all genitalia. A silicone body makes it easy to wipe down — but it’s splashproof, not waterproof, so avoid submerging it.
Cute Little Fuckers Starsi Vibrator
Disabled transgender entrepreneur Step Tranovic (they/she/he) created alien-esque Cute Little Fuckers “in an effort to make sex toys more personal, approachable, and gender inclusive.” Starsi is a gentle soft silicone vibrator that’s easy to grip, waterproof and USB rechargeable, and has five intensities along with five patterns. The bullet that powers it is removable, so you can easily boil the body of the toy for cleaning. Aesthetically not what you expected from a minimalist sex toy list? Starsi makes the cut because Starsi is fun for all genitals and for chests, too.
Fun Factory Bootie
The Fun Factory Bootie is made of firm yet flexible matte silicone, has a long and narrow base that can nestle between your ass cheeks and a curved tip that directly targets the prostate or that targets the g-spot through the wall of the vagina, and comes in small and large. Plus it’s one of Autostraddle’s 50 best queer sex toys.
The nJoy Eleven
The nJoy Eleven is eleven inches and almost three pounds of smooth, curving, arcing stainless steel. It’s cold to the touch but it’s hot as fuck. If you wanted to only own one dildo for the rest of your life, this one would go the distance: you can pair it with any lube, get off with either end, and disinfect it any way you want afterwards. It’s more likely to harm whatever you drop it on than it is to sustain harm itself. And it’s as beautiful an object as it is a sex toy. (For a more affordable nJoy dildo, the Pure Wand is a g-spot and prostate powerhouse in a more compact package.)
nobEssence Seduction 2.0 Sculptured Hardwood G-spot Dildo
Looking for a light, shapely dildo that’s fun vaginally, anally, or as a back massager? The nobEssence Seduction 2.0 Sculptured Hardwood G-spot Dildo “uses statistical analysis of physiology to take the guesswork out of” G-spot and prostate play and “combines dilation, firm smooth pressure, and trend-setting curves.” Use it alone, or rest a pliable silicone vibrator against the alcove while the Seduction is inside you to experience the way that wood transmits vibrations. The Seduction has about 5″ of insertable length on each end, is lightweight, and varies in color and grain from toy to toy.
The Mustang
There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to dildos, but the Mustang sure comes close. It’s a strap-on compatible dildo made of dual-density silicone VixSkin, which means it’s squishy on the outside, has a firm core that stays where you put it, and is super easy to clean with soap and water and to disinfect by boiling. It’s girthy and lengthy enough to feel substantial but not too challenging for many holes. And it comes in chocolate, caramel, vanilla, fluro-a-pink, and tie-bright. Keep the tube it comes in for easy upright storage.
SpareParts Joque Harness
The SpareParts Joque is a strap-on harness that combines the machine washability of contemporary underwear-style harnesses with the sturdiness and control of a classic leather strap-style harness. It has an adjustable o-ring that can fit dildos up to 2″ in diameter and is easily adjustable to hips from 20″ to 50″ (size a) and to hips from 35″ to 65″ (size b). Plus it’s one of Autostraddle’s 50 best queer sex toys.
Liberator Fascinator Throw
Extra bedding just for sex — how is that minimalist? Hear me out: the Liberator Fascinator Throw is a velvety, soft, and water-resistant throw that’s absorbent and machine washable. Instead of having piles of towels that someone leaks through anyway or that don’t stay put in the first place, having to change your sheets after sex, or both, whip this blanket out and squirt away.
