And yet there is no denying that Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s big-spending Budget put a spring in our collective step.
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Nobody can disagree that we face the “worst public health crisis for a generation” (Boris Johnson).
And nobody knows how many will suffer before this global emergency is over.
But even in these darkest of days, we should remember the words of Ian Dury — and count our reasons to be cheerful . . .
THE UK IS THE FIT MAN OF EUROPE
GLOBALISATION has had its day. The nation state is back.
We were told that leaving the EU meant national suicide, yet the punchline to all those years of Brexit delay and establishment dirty tricks is that we now have the strongest, most stable government in Europe.
One capable of making tough decisions after taking advice from scientific and medical experts.
Meanwhile, the EU is divided, with Germany’s Angela Merkel refusing to export face masks to Austria and Switzerland. We are lucky the UK is a sovereign nation once more, with our destiny in our own freshly washed hands.
THE BIG-SPENDING BOY CHANCELLOR
THERE are tough times ahead but the tide is turning.
In his Budget debut, Rishi Sunak promised to do “whatever it takes” to protect our people, unveiling the biggest spending spree for decades.
Sunak’s largesse protects us from the short-term shock of coronavirus while laying the foundation for our long-term prosperity.
After all those years of Philip Hammond’s gloomy undertaker’s glare, Sunak is a hurricane of fresh air.
NAOMI LOOKS GOOD IN A HAZMAT SUIT
NAOMI Campbell wore full-body hazmat kit when catching a flight from LA. She looked adorable.
PERSONAL HYGIENE IS IMPROVING
WE are becoming infinitely more health-conscious. This will protect us against future pandemics. All we want for Christmas is some hand sanitiser.
THE WORLD IS CLEANER
TENS of thousands of flights cancelled. People working from home. And pollution levels plummeting. We are seeing the first fall in CO2 emissions since 2008.
Coronavirus is doing more to clean up the planet than Greta Thunberg.
Breathe that beautiful air.
SPRING IS COMING
MOST viruses, including the common cold and flu, are more actively spread during winter months. There is every reason to believe coronavirus infection rates will fall as the weather gets warmer.
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WE KEEP SMILING THROUGH
THE Sun this week pictured a white van with “This vehicle contains no toilet rolls” written on the side.
Even in the face of a deadly global health pandemic, the British keep smiling.
THE SCHOOLS ARE STILL OPEN
KEEPING the schools open protects our vulnerable old folk because if the classrooms close, many grandparents will be asked to look after youngsters — increasing Granny and Grandad’s risk of infection.
AID CLOSER TO HOME
FORTY-SIX million pounds has been taken from our bloated £14billion foreign aid budget to fight coronavirus here.
This might just be the beginning of the end for the foreign aid madness.
CHINA IS BOUNCING BACK
CORONAVIRUS infections have been declining in China since late January. In Wuhan, the epicentre of the outbreak, all 16 temporary hospitals have now closed.
After 80,824 cases and 3,189 deaths as of yesterday, China reported just 11 new cases of infection on Friday.
CORONAVIRUS IS NOTHING LIKE A WAR
COMPARING coronavirus to war is incorrect.
Around 500,000 British servicemen and civilians died in World War Two.
Right now British coronavirus fatalities are in very low double figures.
Yes, the threat is deadly and real.
But the Luftwaffe is not bombing our cities.
OUR NEXT PRIME MINISTER
IF Boris retires after winning three general elections in a row, Rishi Sunak will still be in his early fifties when Boris says goodbye — younger than the PM is now.
Sunak, 39, has made a life-affirming debut as the holder of the nation’s purse strings.
What a terrific premier he will be one day. Until then — keep chucking the money around, Rishi.
A FEELING OF NATIONAL UNITY
AFTER all the toxic divisions over Brexit, this country now feels more united than it has been for years.
We are all in this together. And we will get through it together.
PR gurus fail fool Harry
PRINCE Harry’s Hollywood PR machine is already doing a lousy job, allowing the royal to totally humiliate himself by confusing a couple of Russian pranksters with teen eco-warrior Greta Thunberg.
How could Harry, above, be so stupid? And how could the people around him be so careless?
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Harry is decent, sensitive and thin-skinned but, sadly, no intellectual heavyweight.
He got two mediocre A-levels from Eton, which is like going to Oxford University and coming out with a certificate for swimming a width.
This country will miss Harry and his family.
But even more, this gullible prince is going to miss the expert protection that surrounds the Royal Family.
Labour gangs up on Trev
ANTI-RACISM veteran Trevor Phillips has been warned that he faces expulsion from Labour for what the party calls Islamophobia but what most of us would see as speaking the unvarnished truth.
Labour is furious with Phillips, a former chairman of the Equality And Human Rights Commission, for expressing legitimate concerns about so many grooming gangs being of Pakistani descent.
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If Labour had two brain cells to rub together, it would not be kicking out a man like Trevor Phillips.
It would be begging him to lead the party.
Less is Maur
Or do they look that skimpy to begin with?
Brinkmanship has EU on the brink
IN a show of strength, a Turkish tank ripped through fencing at the border with Greece to allow refugees to cross into the EU promised land.
In a rival show of strength, heavily armed Greek special forces marched through the border town of Orestiada.
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Too many shows of strength for comfort.
A major conflict is brewing on the EU’s southern border.
Bond has the bod
DANIEL Craig, 52, looks incredible in the new issue of GQ.
Even his nipples look like they have been doing press-ups.
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Hugh has still got ‘mates
JORDAN Emanuel – Playboy’s 2019 Playmate Of The Year – will be the last one ever. In future, every Playmate Of The Month will be judged equal.
That’s almost as surprising as learning that in our woke age, Playboy still has half a million subscribers.
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Somewhere, the late Hugh Hefner is still smiling.
Cheeky Joe’s low blow
MOST of us chortled when England prop Joe Marler made a low tackle on Alun Wyn Jones’ low tackle at Twickenham.
Although it would have been a lot less amusing if the Wales captain had chinned cheeky Joe, who has been slapped with a ten-week todger-fiddling ban.
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I have heard of full-contact sport, but this is ridiculous.
Hell hath no Fury
ITV’s fly-on-the-wall documentary Tyson Fury: The Gypsy King concluded in dramatic fashion with Fury flattening Deontay
Wilder.
“Did I look good on the telly, Dad?” Fury asked in a phone call to his father, John.
Fury looked very good on the telly.
And he also looked a lot like our 2020 Sports Personality of the Year.
President Donald Trump extends European coronavirus travel ban to include UK and Ireland
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